The Sparkly Unicorn

When I was 19, I thought that was THE YEAR I was going to first have sex. After spending my first year of college five feet off the ground in what I lovingly dubbed "My Loft of Chastity," I fought vigilantly with my parents to keep my next twin bed rooted firmly to the ground. However, the need to make the most of the dorm room trumped my desire that I would finally hump my way into the world of The Nasty.

I was so confident that it would finally happen, I remember excitedly crowing about it to my friends, even discussing it with my current best guy friend (who also happened to be someone I had been crushing on hardcore for the past three years, and would continue to do so for another three). However, unlike my girl friends with their congratulatory squeals punctured with bursts of advice, Cedric’s voice was full of concern, “Okay, Sparkly Unicorn, that’s great but… “

But? What do you mean “but”? Did we or did we not flip through “The Guide to Getting It On” together on the floor of my room this past summer? You had no issue in detailing your sexcapades to me. How is there a “but” in this situation?

He took a deep breath and continued, “But make sure it’s with someone you care about, okay?”

“Yeah, sure, uh-huh, gah, must fly, bye!” I snapped my phone shut. All breezy like, of course. I mean, obviously I’ll get it on with someone I care about. No problem.

Oh, how I was mistaken. About finding someone I’d care about and, consequently, leaving virginity behind me along with my teen years. Sufficing to say, the Loft of Chastity became such a fixture in my room, I didn’t even bother trying to figure out if I could make my room “work” without it my final year of college.

I am six days away from turning twenty-three. Nearly four years after my declaration of sexual intent, I still remain a virgin. I don’t view sex as a sin, I don’t have some phallus phobia, nor am I “waiting” for my future husband to come along and show me how to bump and grind in style. I am simply a girl who hasn’t managed to find a decent enough guy to try to have a little bit of fun.

I could deplore my… “situation.” However, I choose to not only embrace it, but to find the humor in it. While reading Meg Cabot’s Forever Princess, Mia writes, “Life's not easy for unicorns, you know. We're a dying breed." Laughing, I immediately applied it to my own sexual status and, since unicorns are mythical creatures with a touch of magical sparkle and I’m a (huge) fan of sparkle, I added “sparkly” to the front of it. Thus, instead of a virgin, I became a Sparkly Unicorn.

I read a number of blogs about sex as sex is everywhere and I am, naturally, interested in it. However, although there are multitudes of sites detailing on how to give the best blowjob, rating lubes, and just what exactly you should do with your tongue, virginity is not a common topic. When it is discussed, it’s carries an extremely negative connotation. You are “burdened” with it and, when you decide it’s the right time to say farewell to your lack of experience, the popular opinion is to attack the girl with slams of “slut!” and “ho!” So, we’re faced with a paradox: we’re encouraged to have sex but also shamed.

As I said before, I am a virgin due to the fact I have not met a guy I respect, trust, and like enough to give it a go. Which means I could abandon the herd as soon as this month or maybe even never (oh, blasted barnacle, I hope not). Still, as long as I remain a virgin, I want to keep this blog for three reasons:

(1) Dispel the virginity is SACRED topic and, as a result, unsuitable for conversation;

(2) Let others (virgins or those gettin’ lucky) know that there’s at least one person out here who thinks that being a Sparkly Unicorn really isn’t that big of a deal; and

(3) Demonstrate the hilarity of it all. I like to enjoy life and keep it light, after all.

As Mia moaned, life isn’t easy for a unicorn. It can be frustrating, horrible, and even mortifying at times. But we will leave the herd one day/night and this particular Sparkly Unicorn plans on embracing her role in the herd until she departs.